My Mozenrath List
by Suzunomiko
Summary: This should give you all a good idea of why Mozenrath hates me so much! ; (Yaoi content)
1. Default Chapter

**Things I Must Not Do (a.k.a. Why Mozenrath Hates Me)**

Most of these I have actually written, believe it or not. Feel free to e-mail me your own suggestions and I'll put them up here with credit to you!

**General Behavior**

I will not under any circumstances snicker in the presence of Mozenrath ever again.

Likewise laughing, smirking and giggling are totally out of the question.

I will not follow Mozenrath and echo everything he says in a suspiciously mocking tone of voice.

I will not imitate the Mamluks.

I will not accuse Mozenrath of idiocy, even though there are some really obvious gaps in his schemes sometimes.

I will not blatantly point out these gaps.

I will not allow myself to grope Mozenrath without his permission.

I will not bribe Aladdin to grope Mozenrath for me without his permission.

I will not bribe Mirage to do it either, though traumatizing him is one of her favorite activities.

Same goes for anyone else.

I will not feed Xerxes so much that he is unable to fly for long periods of time.

I will not feed Xerxes so much that he is unable to fly for long periods of time, then insist that Mozenrath never feeds him enough and is, in fact, a lousy master.

I will never, ever, ever bribe Xerxes to bite Mozenrath.

I will never bite Mozenrath again.

I will not tell Mozenrath that he needs a good fuck, nor will I communicate this by using the term 'jump your bones'.

Nor will I communicate this by suggesting possible partners or positions represented by a graphic chart.

I will not suggest Mozenrath hire a maid, then suggest that he wear a French maid's outfit and do the cleaning himself when he refuses.

**Authoress Powers**

I must not change the color of Mozenrath's clothes.

I must not change the color of Mozenrath's Gauntlet.

I must not change the color of any of Mozenrath's belongings.

I must not change the color of Mozenrath himself.

Including his hair.

Even if that hair is in a place that no one else will be seeing.

Xerxes is one of Mozenrath's belongings, therefore I must not change his color.

I must not write a cure for Mozenrath's bone hand and then demand that he trade 'special' favors for it.

I must not insist that Mozenrath trade 'special' favors for anything, period.

I must not allow Mozenrath to trade 'special' favors for any of the miraculous things I can create through fanfiction authoring, even if he wants to.

I must not do the same for Aladdin, then insist that the one he owes the favor to is Mozenrath.

**The Wonderful Mailing System**

I am not allowed to write pointless smut starring Mozenrath, then mail it to him in an envelope signed "Love, Mom."

I am under no circumstances allowed to mail Mozenrath a Harry Potter-esque portrait of Disdain.

Same goes for Mirage.

Same goes for Aladdin

I am not allowed to mail Mozenrath charmed-to-live portraits of anyone in the Aladdin series.

Or any other series for that matter.

I am not allowed to coax said portraits to whistle/shout lude comments at/ make lude hand gestures at Mozenrath as he passes them.

I am not allowed to send Mozenrath a charmed-to-live portrait of him and Aladdin doing nasty things.

I am not allowed to lock Mozenrath in his own magic-proof manacles and mail him to Agrabah in a gift wrapped box labeled 'Toys for Aladdin'.

I am not allowed to lock Mozenrath in his own magic-proof manacles and mail him to Morbia in a gift wrapped box labeled 'Cat Toys'.

I am not allowed to lock Mozenrath in his own magic-proof manacles and mail him to any of his enemies.

I am not allowed to lock Mozenrath in his own Magic-proof manacles period.

Same goes for mailing him to other places in gift wrapped boxes.

I am not allowed to steal anything of Mozenrath's and mail it back to him later piece by piece.

Including Xerxes.

**Regarding Potions and all other Magical Items**

I will not slip Aladdin love potions, then make sure the next thing he sees is Mozenrath.

I will not slip Mozenrath love potions, then make sure the next thing he sees is Aladdin.

I will not trade Mozenrath for magical items.

Especially not to Mirage.

Even more especially not to the blue Djinn.

Nor to Fasir, who coincidentally offered to buy him first.

I will not steal Mozenrath's items, potions, books, scrolls or tablets and sell them back to him later.

I will not sell Mozenrath cursed items and not tell him about the curse.

I will not sell Mozenrath cursed items and have them labeled 'for ages 3 and up'.

**Condiment Fetishes Galore**

I will not cover Mozenrath in chocolate and pay Aladdin to lick it all off.

I will not cover Mozenrath in strawberry syrup and pay Aladdin to lick it all off.

I will not cover Mozenrath in any kind of condiment and pay Aladdin to lick it all off.

I will not cover Mozenrath in any kind of condiment, dessert, or food item of any kind and pay any character in the Aladdin series to lick it off.

**Shameless Name-Calling**

I will not refer to Mozenrath as 'The Potion's Nazi', as that title is reserved specifically for Severus Snape, and he gets jealous if his titles are stolen.

I will not refer to Mozenrath as an evil overlord in training.

I will not refer to Xerxes as a flying bath toy.

Nor will I refer to Mozenrath as such while he is floating in midair. It tends to break his concentration and he falls.

I will not refer to Mozenrath as 'Aladdin's Bitch', as that title is already reserved for someone else as well.

I will not stamp Mozenrath's forehead with the words 'Aladdin's Bitch'.

**PWP Powers (Different from Authoress Powers)**

I do not have the copyrights to change Mozenrath's personality completely for a one-shot.

Even if it does make him more easily seduced.

Aladdin does not have the ability to completely subdue Mozenrath with one hit, and I've really got to stop writing it.

I must try to remember that though it cannot be disproved, Genie is most likely not freakishly well endowed.

Neither is Aladdin.

I will attempt to remember that Aladdin is not likely to kill Jasmine and run off with Mozenrath for no apparent reason, let alone actually get away with it.

I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's... I will not use Rhazoul in any PWP's...

Mozenrath most likely has not kept any of Disdain's old things so that he could accidentally stumble upon them during a battle and loose face in front of the heroes, and I've really got to stop writing it.

I can not prove that Mozenrath is Mirage's son, but it does seem to be an accepted fact in most fandoms. Therefore I will attempt to write a fanfic to the contrary just to piss people off and be difficult.

I will not be persuaded otherwise by the prospect of a Neko-Mozenrath... I will not be persuaded otherwise by the prospect of a Neko-Mozenrath... I will not be persuaded otherwise by the prospect of a Neko-Mozenrath... I will not be persuaded otherwise by the prospect of a Neko-Mozenrath...

**Cruel Jokes and Pranks**

I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics... I will not use Rhazoul in any fanfics...

I may not even think of attempting crossovers with "Hercules".

Especially if it involves Merv Griffin, Pain and/or Panic, Icarus, Prince Adonis, or Hercules himself..

Or any one of the Gods, as they may see fit to smite me at the computer desk.

Aladdin is not allowed to find Mozenrath's diary, nor is he allowed to have Genie publish it and distribute it worldwide.

And even if he had one, it would not be in a place where it could be easily found by said street rat.

No, Mozenrath does not have a buckle fetish, and I would do well to remember that.

Xerxes cannot take on human form for Mozenrath, nor is he allowed to perform 'special' favors for him.

Chaos probably could, but I say it's way too obvious for him to do something like that and he wouldn't do it simply because we are expecting him to. But then again, he might do it because we know he probably wouldn't, even though it's totally obvious that he would... But then again... bangs head on the computer screen repeatedly

Mozenrath probably is not aware of the proper technique to swim in lime Jell-O.

I most likely cannot convince him to participate in an all-villains orgy.

I will not have the tiger develop an odd interest in Mozenrath.

Mozenrath cannot get pregnant... Mozenrath cannot get pregnant... Mozenrath cannot get pregnant... Mozenrath cannot get pregnant... Mozenrath cannot get pregnant... Mozenrath cannot get pregnant...

**Possible Physical Harm**

I will not attempt to brand Mozenrath with the royal seal of Agrabah.

Especially not in any soft squishy places that may not heal properly afterwards.

I will not allow Mozenrath to take on an original character in battle without first clearly establishing that he is not to be maimed, killed, or permanently traumatized... without my say-so.

I will not engage him to any creatures stronger than himself without establishing their exact temper tolerances.

I will not give him any phobias that don't actually exist. This is of course, impossible seeing as how all of them actually do.

How about this, I will not give him any phobias the names of which I am unable to pronounce. This is also, of course, impossible.

I will not allow my Sister to dictate the happenings of the fic in any way, shape or form. This is usually fatal for Mozenrath.


	2. Continued

CONTINUED...

**Fun With Muktar**

I should really, really try to remember that Mozenrath does not like Muktar. Not one bit.

And visa-versa.

Magic-trapping Bolas are not safe bedroom toys.

Nor are Crystals of Ix.

Though Mozenrath likely could not defeat the Muktar if he decided to have fun with him, he most likely would not.

And even if he did, Mozenrath would not find himself wishing Aladdin was there to save him.

Aladdin is not likely to go out of his way to rescue Mozenrath from Muktar.

Nor is Genie.

**Magical Mishaps**

Mozenrath is not likely to accidentally summon a tentacle monster, nor is he likely to lose to it if he did.

Unless the tentacle monster already knows his gauntlet is the source of his power...

The tentacle monster is NOT likely to know that the source of Mozenrath's power is his gauntlet.

Shape-shifters are included in this rule as well.

Chaos is not likely to summon Aladdin's evil twin just to torture Mozenrath.

Unless we didn't expect him to...

The loss of memory of a disturbing event due to 'Magical Mishap' does not change the fact that it happened.

Xerxes spilling one potion into another accidentally does not constitute an immediate explosion.

Nor does it automatically change the potion to summon a tentacle monster.

Mozenrath does NOT like tentacle monsters.

Mozenrath does not like that I am apparently obsessed with tentacle monsters.

Though everyone else seems to think it's absolutely hilarious.

**Playing Dress-Up**

I will not force Mozenrath to wear Aladdin's clothes while I take pictures of him.

I will not force Mozenrath to wear Jafar's clothes while I take pictures of him. Even though the resemblance is UNCANNY.

I will not force Mozenrath to wear replicas of Jasmine's clothes while I take pictures of him, even though he pulls it off nicely.

I will not distribute the knowledge that Mozenrath looks good in Jasmine's clothes.

Even though it should be obvious that he pretty much looks good in anything.

Once again, I will not change the color of Mozenrath's clothes. (Anyone remember what happened in Pairikan Nights? squee! Tie-dye Mozenrath!)

I will not make Mozenrath do parodies of INVADER ZIM. ("Hi! I'm in a bear suit!", Gir in his green dog costume, Moze looks pretty damn good in Dib's outfit, and Gaz's, but not Professor Membrane's.)

I will not put Mozenrath in Tallest Purple's costume, even though he pulls it off nicely as well.

I will not force Mozenrath to wear the costumes I have read of him wearing in various fanfics, though him walking around in harem clothes is pretty damn sexy.

**Gods, Demons and Mythical Creatures**

I cannot convince Chaos to 'play' with Mozenrath, though I can't see why he wouldn't want to.

I cannot have any of the Greek Gods come and 'play' with Mozenrath.

Especially not Hades.

MOST especially not Aphrodite, as he'd enjoy that too much.

I cannot coerce any demi-gods to 'play' with Mozenrath either, especially since Hercules isn't entirely sure how to use his strength effectively yet and may inadvertently harm him.


End file.
